Things I wish I could Say

It’s funny to title this entry “Thing I wish I could Say” because to some extent I have shared them. I believe one of the things that has made me emotionally withdraw from my husband is because deep down inside I feel he’s not responsive (dismissive).  It’s hard to continually feel that my heart/thoughts are safe with him…without feeling I am walking on eggshells, or that he’s taking offense to it, or feeling a push back from him.

Before Christmas I shared (through emailed) that I would like for us to join a Marriage workshop, offered at a low cost for those that work at my institution.

I never heard back.

I text sometimes, I never hear back.

I ask a “how was your day?” I hear one word back.

The car rides are awfully quiet.  I too, have withdrawn.

My heart aches when I see him engage for hours with others. I wish we could have that bond…but experience has taught me that the times we have spoken for more than half an hour has been to either 1) plan something (logistics) or 2) because we are arguing.

I wish I could say that I long for my husband to be my friend.

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